Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
