please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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