the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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