I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
