I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
