In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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