When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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