Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
