I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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