Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize