Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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