piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize