What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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