Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
