I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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