it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
