I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize