Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
