i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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