he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's great music for shaving your balls
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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