She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
