i can't believe i had my finger in that
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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