its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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