yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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