No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Randomize
