she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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