I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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