I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
