We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
