I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
vagina is talking i cant
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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