I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
