We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
