cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
vagina is talking i cant
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
