i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
