So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
