I think my fart just growled at me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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