well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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