I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
