Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize