Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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