hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
