The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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