Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
