I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
