Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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