but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
