I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
