ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
