Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
