i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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