Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
