take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
only you would photoshop your dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
