The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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