Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just google imaged poop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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