I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
never play flip cup with pint glasses
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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