kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
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