when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
