hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
