If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
