I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
