he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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