I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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