WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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