Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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