Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
